McCain's bio-waste troubles started almost immediately. At his first appearance Monday in Meridien, Mississippi, McCain used the context of the nearby naval air station named for his grandfather to extol his family's long history of military service. But while he boasted that "a distant ancestor served on General Washington's staff, and it seems my ancestors fought in most wars in our nation's history," McCain sadly forgot to mention the Civil War. That omission might be because, as the Vicksburg Post noted:

It was in defense of that plantation that William Alexander McCain, grandson of the first McCain in America, died while a member of a Mississippi cavalry unit in the Civil War. William Alexander had three sons. The oldest, Joseph Watt McCain, also fought for the Confederacy. The youngest, Henry Pinckney McCain, served in the U.S. Army after the Civil War. The middle son, also a John McCain, was too young for Confederate service, but later became sheriff of Carroll County.

(Of course, having confederates in the attic is no fault of - and no reflection on - John McCain. His unfortunate flip-flops on the display of the Confederate flag is another issue altogether.)

The next unfortunate stop on the McCain magical mystery tour came Tuesday in Alexandria, Virginia. There, McCain addressed the students and faculty at his old high school, Episcopal High School. But that setting only served to highlight John McCain's confusing spiritual journey from Episcopalian to Baptist. McCain, who has attended the 7,000 member North Phoenix Baptist Church for the past 15 years, seems unclear as to which faith he currently espouses. As I noted yesterday:

In June 2007, McClatchy reported, "McCain still calls himself an Episcopalian." But as the 2008 South Carolina primary approached, McCain had a change of heart as he appealed to the Palmetto's State's massive evangelical base. By September 2007, McCain announced he had in fact switched teams: "It plays a role in my life. By the way, I'm not Episcopalian. I'm Baptist."

From here, the McCain biopic only gets worse. On Friday, the Arizona Senator travels to Memphis to commemorate the 40th anniversary of the assassination of Martin Luther King, Jr. Unfortunately, that venue can't help but call attention to John McCain's long record of opposition to Martin Luther King Day:

In 1983, McCain voted against passing a bill to designate the third Monday of every January as a federal holiday in honor of King. Four years later, then-Arizona Governor Evan Mecham rescinded Martin Luther King Day as a state holiday, saying it had been established through an illegal executive order by his Democratic predecessor.

McCain said he thought Mecham was correct in his decision.

Two years after that, McCain's viewpoint began to change, but only gradually. In 1989, he urged lawmakers to make Martin Luther King Jr. day a state holiday, but said he was "still opposed to another federal holiday."

All of which begs the question: if these are the tour stops the McCain campaign chose to make, what embarrassing destinations did they leave off the itinerary?

As part of his "Service to America" tour, for example, McCain could have traveled to Honolulu, Hawaii. There, he could have commemorated his 1979 meeting with heiress Cindy Hensley, whom he later married just once month after divorcing his first wife Carol. (As Salon noted in 2000, Carol "had once been quite a babe herself apparently, until a near-fatal car accident (while her husband was in Vietnam) left her 4 inches shorter, overweight and on crutches.")

A visit back to Charleston, South Carolina, too, could have provided insights into John McCain's life lessons. During a debate there in February 2000, a furious McCain raged at then opponent , now BFF George W. Bush over his dirty tricks in the Palmetto State primary, "Don't give me that shit. And take your hands off me."

Other stops could have included the late Jerry Falwell's Liberty University in Lynchburg, Virginia, where McCain delivered the May 2006 commencement address despite having previously called his host an "agent of intolerance." Even a visit to the former Phoenix headquarters of financier Charles Keating is in order. After all, just last month McCain compared his role in the Keating Five savings and loan scandal to being tortured in Vietnam.

Regardless of the pitfalls that may still lie ahead in his "Service to America" tour, John McCain is committed to making sure Americans know his biography. But sometimes, the more voters come to know a candidate, even a self-described "imperfect servant," the less they like him. Just ask President Rudy Giuliani.

UPDATE: Satirical Political suggests another fitting stop on McCain's bio-tour.